Added: Gregorio Rick - Date: 23.12.2021 14:28 - Views: 23054 - Clicks: 7132
In my last article on why guys suddenly lose interestI discussed how caring too much or stressing over your relationship can irreparably damage it. The article sparked an avalanche of e-mails and comments from women who were feeling panicked over the state of their relationship.
This is exactly the problem Eric and I have been addressing at length, not only on the site, but also in the newsletter and on our Facebook s. But I realized that identifying the problem is only half the battle. The next step is to get to the root of it and figure out how to solve it. When you eliminate the care or worry or stress or whatever you want to call ityou are free to really be in the relationship.
You can see the other person for who he is and you can give yourself to him freely — no strategy, no game-playing, How to not care too much in a relationship manipulation. You can just be and there is no greater feeling than that. But how do we do it? How do we stop our minds from spinning into overdrive, sending out waves of unpleasant thoughts and alarm bells?
First, you need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your relationship serves no purpose, ever. It causes problems within the relationship, and more importantly, it takes a huge toll on your sense of self and self-esteem. When you care too much, you inevitably become attached to a certain outcome. You invest mental energy in making sure things go a certain way.
I have been guilty of stressing over past relationships. It was always the same pattern. From then on, the relationship was no longer enjoyable. Every interaction and conversation became a test to see exactly where he stood and how he felt. The problem is our minds trick us into believing there is some sort of payoff to this type of thinking. Like it will somehow lead us to a place of confidence and clarity. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure. It is not there to serve you and give you things like happiness and self-esteem.
It is not there to make you feel good about life and about yourself. It is not a goal to achieve. A relationship is an experience to be had and shared. It is about discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong partnership, also known as marriage. The only work you have to do is to make sure you are your best self and get to a place where you can give and receive love.
No amount of plotting or analyzing will change whether you and someone else are compatible. If you can realize this, really realize it, then there will be absolutely nothing to stress over. A lot of us make the mistake of prematurely freaking out over something that really turns out to be absolutely nothing. You talk regularly, go on fun dates, it seems to be going really well. And then the devastation starts to creep in…followed by the doubts.
What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? Something I did? Why do the guys I like always leave me? And just when the agony is at its peak…. And everything is fine!
You cling to the relationship even tighter because you remember how miserable it felt when you thought you lost it and you vow not to do anything to screw this up. Rather than reflexively panicking when something seems amiss, set a deadline. Tell yourself that you will be fine with things for the time being, and if nothing changes in two weeks, then you can be upset about it and deal with it. Instead of getting angry about it, just give yourself a deadline.
This little exercise will help you train your mind to stay calm and avoid spinning into a frenzy. It will help you gain control over your thoughts and your mood, and this will be of major benefit to you and your relationship. And the funny thing is, whatever problem you wanted to get really upset about right away usually resolves itself before the deadline you set!
The biggest problem with stressing over your relationship is it takes you out of the relationship and brings you to a much more disturbing place. Stop doing this! Instead, just be present. Be right here, right now. Just enjoy it for what it is and let the process unfold organically. No stress! Being single is seen as something to be pitied, and being in a relationship is something to covet.
As a result, a lot of us measure our worth by our relationship status. Remember, only you can determine your own worth. You set the standard for how valuable you are. You do this by living a rich, fulfilling life filled with things you love. You do things that make you happy, you work on improving yourself, you develop your talents, you take care of yourself, you do things that tap into your essence and allow you to express your true self.
This is how self-esteem is built. If you wrap up your identity in what men think of you, or what your relationship status is, you will never ever feel satisfied. Instead, you need to have faith in yourself and trust that no matter what happens, you will be OK and you can handle whatever life throws at you. Wanting a relationship to be something other than what it is never pans out well. Instead, practice accepting the situation for what it is and enjoying it. The fact is, the people who are most successful with relationships are people who have fun with relationships.
Wanting in general causes problems. When you want, you immediately focus on a lack, you feel a void within yourself and you think a relationship will fill it.
But you have to take the focus off the wanting which turns into needing and put it on the experiencing. Focus on enjoying each moment of your life instead of questioning where it will lead. If you want a futurea part of your mind gets activated and plots and plans and thinks of ways things could go wrong.
You are in your head and while you might not be conscious of it, you are in agenda mode. You will instead be able to just enjoy the relationship and take it for what it is from one moment to the next. I would definitely recommend this book to any women who may be having issues within a relationship or with the men in their life in general. You may unsubscribe at any time. Realize stressing gets you nowhere First, you need to realize that getting all wound up over the state of your relationship serves no purpose, ever.
Set a freak-out deadline A lot of us make the mistake of prematurely freaking out over something that really turns out to be absolutely nothing.
Be present The biggest problem with stressing over your relationship is it takes you out of the relationship and brings you to a much more disturbing place. Stop wanting Wanting a relationship to be something other than what it is never pans out well. This post originally appeared at A New Mode. Want more writing like this? Sabrina Alexis Extroverted introvert. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.How to not care too much in a relationship
email: [email protected] - phone:(540) 159-5881 x 8086
How to Stop Being Clingy in a Relationship