Added: Antwone Goslin - Date: 02.12.2021 05:07 - Views: 19477 - Clicks: 4508
People with commitment issues, like myself, are equated with players, cheaters, and heartless losers.
Personally, I have no problem attaching this label to myself. I'm the Amy Townsend of "Trainwreck" in my friend group: infamous for having short-lived flings, for purposely dating men with whom things will go nowhere, and for shutting things down before they can ever get started.
I've only ever dated one man more repelled by commitment than myself, and I have to admit, I was kind of impressed. It's not that I'm disinterested in love; I'm just not interested in a being in a relationship for its own sake. When my person comes along, I'll be willing to re-evaluate if necessary I think. But until then, I proudly wear the badge of someone who has a fear of commitment. If you're dating or interested in someone who also has commitment issues, there are a few things you need to know if you want things to go well — and yes, things can go well despite their fear of commitment.
If you're dating someone who has a fear of commitment with the belief that they will commit to you if you give them time, love them enough, or show them how great relationships can be, you're setting yourself up for heartbreak.
There's only one person who can change someone's commitment issues, and that is the person who has them themselves. And people only change themselves if they see a need for change. You can't coerce transformation in anyone. If being in a committed relationship matters a lot to you, you should find someone who feels the same way. Not all of us, anyway. Not wanting a commitment doesn't mean we're callous, uncaring, or selfish.
It doesn't mean we don't care about you or want you in our life; it just means we don't foresee wanting a commitment and we aren't going to pretend otherwise. If we pretended we wanted that stuff just to get close to you, that would be callous, uncaring, and selfish.
And there are some jerks who do that. Those are the bad guys. If we're telling you about it upfront, we're doing it because we want you to understand what it'd mean to date us, so you can make a decision with your eyes wide open. Society has this obsession with committed relationships and marriage as the pinnacle of existence, and well, we don't buy it. We think there are myriad ways to have a relationship, and it doesn't always have to look like what our parents had.
We all have our own reasons for shying away from commitment. More often than not, it's not because we want our love life to resemble an all-you-can-eat buffet, but that isn't always the case. What we tell you might make more sense to you than you think. Or, maybe it won't. But it'll definitely be more accurate than what anyone else has to say about it. The thing is, since we're not planning on legally binding ourselves to anyone, we don't care all that much about some of the stuff that other people are going to get hung up on.
Are you a cool human being who maybe has a messy life?
Eh, whatever. It happens.
If you're a walking disaster, it's a problem, but generally speaking, that stuff is your business, not ours. We know, we know; this goes against everything everyone thinks about us, but it's true. For a lot of us, it's what scares us the most about relationships. We feel things intensely. We love wholeheartedly. And it's often bitten us in the behind. Add to that an aversion to following the fairytale script, and loving becomes a complicated thing. But if we fall for you, it's going to be that earth-shattering, life-changing kind of love.
It probably won't lead to a ring or a picket fence, but it will be its own kind of beauty.
Someone once told me that some people are like jets and others are like airports: jets have to have freedom in order to do what they do best, and airports need to be grounded and secure. And the only way the two can work together is if the airport doesn't try to keep the jet out of the skies, and the jet makes sure the airport knows it's coming back. If you want your partner with commitment issues to find a home in you, give them the space to fly. Like, we're toast. We've fallen under your spell, we've found a reason to changeand we're done for — possibly for the long haul.
Gwen Hutchings is a writer, content strategist, and editor. in. YourTango Experts. Photo: Getty. Gwen Hutchings. Having a fear of commitment is a considered a non-starter by many people in the dating world. Subscribe to our newsletter. now for YourTango's trending articlestop expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning. up now!Dating a man with commitment issues
email: [email protected] - phone:(443) 362-6291 x 3508
Commitment Issues? What to do when you’re dating a commitment-phobe